No matter how bad things seem to get there are moments that are so sweet, or awe inspiring, or funny that I wouldn't give it up for anything.
A little background for those I haven't talked to lately. I'm still basically out of work. I'm cleaning houses once a week, but no full time work. Pretty stressful, but I'm making it for now. My son is in Wisconsin, not doing any better, so stress there too. My best friend down here in St. Pete just had surgery yesterday to remove a nearly four inch tumor from her kidney, she's still in recovery on a breathing machine.
So I spent the morning in tears. Finally decided to spend my last dollar on a pack of cigarettes (eat your hearts out Northern smokers) just to calm my nerves, so I wiped the tears away and went to the store. They say things always come in threes. Three homeless men stopped me on the way, and I kid you not, one white, one black, one hispanic. My superstitious side is wondering if that means something. So the first one, thankfully, just wants to comment on my "beautiful" hair. The second, though he is falling out of his baggy clothes and staggeringly drunk, holds himself as steady as he can and bows to let me pass him on the sidewalk. What a gentleman, huh? The third asks for two bucks. I tell him I don't have it, sorry. He asks for a cigarette. I tell him, I don't have any of those either. I guess he thought I was just being mean and he was going to be mean right back, because he takes a step back, looks down at my shoes (Those who know me well know that I'm wearing Chuck Taylor All Star's) and says, "Those are men's shoes. What you doing wearing men's shoes? Are you a fucking Dyke, or what?" LOL
So I went and bought my cigarettes and walked home by another route. I wasn't about to give him a damn cigarette after that. I am generous to a fault, but don't be dissing my chucks, man! Men's shoes! Life is a trip!
Reminds me of a quote by Bill Hicks:
"The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question: "Is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we kill those people.
It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one." ---Hanging on in St. Pete.